Trigger Warning-Panic Attacks
I thought I was in the clear.
I’ve been processing trauma from medical crises over the last year, and I’ve gotten to such a healthy place that I thought I wouldn’t still have the same triggers.
Today I was driving, and that too familiar sound eased its way into my hearing from behind.
I pulled over as an ambulance in full lights and sirens flew past.
My heart jumped into my throat as a panic attack began.
As recent as last month, I was the one riding in the ambulance barreling down the interstate through traffic, while EMS worked on my daughter… again.
I’ve been taught to remind my brain that Kaylee is OK.
She is safe.
It’s not happening again right now.
You can calm down now.
You don’t have to fight right now.
My eyes overflow with tears as my tight my chest tightens.
Box breathing is what works next.
Breathe in five seconds.
Hold it five seconds.
Breathe out five seconds.
Hold it out five seconds and repeat.
A few rounds of box breathing allowed me to calm down as I tried to redirect my thoughts elsewhere. I regained control. I didn’t even have to pull over to calm down.
I realize the ambulance driving past me had nothing to do with me or Kaylee—I am not narcissistic. There was a true emergency, and I prayed God‘s protection over that person who is currently in distress just as I hope others pray as they see the ambulance holding my child.
I wish medical trauma did not have such a grip on my mind. It makes me angry when I don’t feel in control. The difference between today and a year ago, is I was able to shift into control of this situation. I was able to move away from panic.
My progress on full display!
The triggers may still come but I know how to overcome.
If you experience, similar feelings or events, please look into getting help from a therapist or professional. It took me 16 years to make it a priority. Don’t wait that long. It’s so worth it to feel like you can take back the control. And by all means, reach out to me if you need to talk through how to get started .